Back To School

I am convinced there will never come a season when we are not called to learn something. My hope is to not be held back more than necessary. I want to learn the lesson, hold on to what needs to be held on to, and let go of what I no longer need.

God knows that I love a good pen and a fresh notebook, and He has made my textbooks evident over the years. Before moving, it was 100 Days of Believing Bigger by Marshawn Evans Daniels that helped me to feel fearful and yet be courageous at the same time. Today, while looking back and recording episode 64 called Back to School, we remember many of the moments that made us who we are. It is Joanna Gaines showing me once more what I have always been. In The Stories We Tell, she describes how we must make peace with being 2 things at once when we are stepping out beyond our comfort zones in vulnerability to try something new.

I have been both strong and sensitive my whole life. That combination simply looks messy at any given moment. When I sit with my husband of 35 years and we talk about our school experiences, I can see clearly how 1 person's messiness is another person's resilience. That is a trait to be admired most through hindsight.

After high school Rick went on to college to face his own challenges, while I went on to work in need of health insurance. One minute I was in a high school hallway navigating the Molly Ringwalds of my world and the next I was in an office hallway navigating strong and seasoned women, some of whom had been working decades already. I was trained, of course, to start as a messenger at First National Bank in Peoria, but I was not prepared to handle myself appropriately. I was strong enough to walk into unknown territory and believe I could do the job, but I was sensitive to each and every scrutiny that came my way. I was not in a position to grow through constructive criticism because the hurts of my youth were still so fresh. Because I was still that same, young girl.

I moved up the ranks quickly and, by God's grace, became a teller.

I thank God for Rick choosing Bradley University and this little bank on Main Street to hold his $18.32. I thank God that through all of my strength and sensitivity, He let my senses shift to know just enough of something when Rick walked into the lobby.

When we began to build our family, I knew this was sacred ground. There were things I had to grow out of and learn to do better in order to be the parents we wanted to be. And again, I did. We did. We were surrounded by friends and family who mentored us and gave us a proper schooling in their own right. I am so grateful. Those kids have gone on to have their own kids, and as we sit here today with our coffee in hand, we think of all of them rushing around. They are busy packing lunches, trying to decide if someone truly is sick and needs to stay home, and heading out the door for their school day. We thank God once again. We are so grateful to have lived, truly loved, and now be sitting on the other side of that season.

And now this. Will I spend my days working at the Fresh Market, which is lovely and full of great people, or will we step out a little further in order to open our own shop?

I believe we are capable, but are we called? I am learning.

Something new is happening as I read this book Joanna has obviously written just for me in this season. My spirit is waking up to something new. I am dreaming of the very things that would line the walls of our shop. I am becoming less concerned about whether or not people will come, believing that if I step out and we commit our way to the LORD and this beautiful plan for us, they will. Smoking a cigarette is becoming more and more foreign to me, like this very strong and sensitive girl no longer needs it; in fact, I cannot even remember why she did in the first place. Yes, something is happening.

We have recently begun taking to our knees in the morning as we pray over the things we are learning and the risks we are praying to take. I felt our posture was very important. Today we know in part who we are asking. One day we will know in full. And when we do, I hope to be overwhelmed by the fact that while there is no diploma handed over (maybe there is), He has done it! We have done our very best to learn the lessons and become the best and strongest versions of ourselves, all the while being sensitive to the Lord's path for our lives. That is where the true excitement lives!!